Year-end evaluation
Re-thinking New Year's resolutions
I hope you’re reading this in one of two ways: in the midst of a cozy, restful, joyful week where I was lucky enough to be considered a “fun email” and warrant an immediate open, or a few days late after some time unplugging over the holidays. If it’s neither - maybe you’re like my friends who are nurses working 24 hour shifts this week or veterinarians working near-normal hours, because the holidays come and go but people and animals still get sick and need care - then I’m sending you strength and gratitude. Whatever you’re doing, I hope you found some time for warmth and celebration this week, and that you attended to all of it. I’m balancing some much-needed family time with some equally-needed preparation for upcoming winter travel and research, trying to take care of things while taking care of myself.
Maybe you’re starting to look ahead to 2023, hopefully thinking about what you want more of and what you want less of and how you’re going to make that happen, what you’ll say “no” to in order to make more space for the things you really want to say “yes” to. Maybe you’re thinking about some New Year’s resolutions - if these work for you, have worked in the past, then go for it, I love that for you. But I think for many people, New Year’s resolutions are tired - most don’t make it past the first few weeks of January (there’s lots of reasons for this, and lots of great behavioral science research and articles and solutions for how to make these resolutions stick, if that’s your goal). Thankfully, there are lots of great alternatives to resolutions popping up. One I especially like is the idea of picking a word - or words - of the year. A colleague introduced me to this practice a few years ago, and I really like it. My words for 2022 were “adventure, gentleness, and growth,” which I still love and I think I mostly lived up to this year, even as I hope I’ll continue to embody these words in 2023, along with whatever my new words will be, which I haven’t picked yet. If you want to pick some words yourself, Susannah Conway has a great - free - workbook to help you.
At their heart, many of our goals and resolutions are things we pursue because - we hope - they align with our values. We resolve to exercise more and eat more vegetables because we value our health. We resolve to put in the work to apply for a promotion because we value success, or the purpose that underlies our jobs, or both. We resolve to spend more time with loved ones because we value our relationships and our community. But too often, these values are implicit: we don’t think about the core principles propping up our resolutions.
So your current Wintry Mix challenge is to spend some time thinking about your values: what do you care about most, and what does it mean to you? This exercise - often referred to in psychology research as “values affirmation” - is powerful, and research shows that affirming values can help people when their sense of self is threatened (my forthcoming book, How To Winter, will take a much deeper dive on this research). I think that our values aren’t something we think about enough. Yet when we make our values explicit, we can use them to guide our choices and our behavior, to live and act in ways that are more aligned with the things we care about most.
Connecting with Your Values
Step 1: Make a list of values that matter to you. These might be attributes like athleticism, loyalty, or intelligence; they can be things in your life like family, community, or religion; they can be actions like learning, physical activity, or painting. Start by writing a list of everything you can think of that you care about and value: try not to overthink this too much and focus on just being generative.
Step 2: Narrow down to your top 3 values. From the list above, narrow down to your top three values. These might be the three things you care about most, or they might be three words that are overarching categories that encompass many things you care about. (You can take these guidelines loosely - if you have two or four top values, you still get full credit).
Step 3: Write a few sentences about why these values matter to you. Spend a few minutes contemplating each value - why do you care about this? How does it show up in your life? When do you really feel like you’re embodying this value?
With your values made explicit, you can start using them to guide your behavior in 2023. Trying to decide how to use your vacation days? See if one option is more aligned with your values than others. Contemplating a job change or a move? Maybe one choice brings you closer to your values. You can keep them in your back pocket and check in on them when you need to. I carry mine with me wherever I go.
Don’t forget: I want to hear what you do and how it goes. Let me know how thinking about your values feels - what’s surprising or new? And how might you bring more of your values with you into 2023? You can share your experience here, or email me directly at kari@karileibowitz.com.
Notes from the Slush Pile:
My friend Becky (who actually came up with the title “Wintry Mix,”), sent this to me with the caption “idk, this felt like good good winter content.” She’s not wrong, so I present to you a one minute video of capybaras in a hot bath with yuzus:
My other friend Allie sent me this amazing find - a post of “50 Ways to Warm Up” from American Girl’s November 1998 issue. The tips range from practical (“Wear mittens instead of gloves, they’re warmer.”) to playful (“Toast a friend! Clink mugs and say something silly like, ‘In the winter when the snow is drifty, I think our friendship’s really nifty.’”) to unhinged (“Put a warm hard-boiled egg in your pocket as a hand warmer. Eat it as soon as it gets cold!”).
A calm, cozy winter activity: winter bird-watching.