Lighting candles is more than aesthetics

What we get wrong about cozy comforts

As we inch towards the winter solstice and the shortest day of the year, it’s truly my time to shine. I’m doing multiple interviews a week with journalists, radio hosts, podcasters, and writers of all stripes looking for ways to find comfort in the darkness.

The questions I’m getting from journalists - the really thoughtful ones, anyway - are evolving. They used to be more focused on winter tips and tricks, cozy remedies for dark days, simple solutions that revolved around hygge. But recently, I’m getting more nuanced questions. People are getting a bit tired of being told to light a few candles as if that solves problems of winter fatigue, overwork, gloom and grumpiness. The idea of coziness has been flattened into an aesthetic, and many people have the experience of giving it a go, lighting a few candles, and then feeling…not much.

Because, truth be told, the aesthetics alone are not the real thing. What Scandinavian-trend-forecasters fail to grasp is that the aesthetic in Scandinavia is powerful not just because it looks good, but because it reflects and reinforces the mindset.

Lighting a few candles in a house with all the overhead lights on, because it’s “supposed” to make us feel cozy, does very little.

But, as darkness settles - maybe at 6pm, 5pm, 4pm, 3pm, or earlier - pausing, going around the house, striking matches, lighting candles, can become a mindful pause. A transition in the day. A welcoming of the night.

If we turn the overhead lights off and rely more on soft lamps and candles, we invite the darkness in. The purpose of candlelight is not merely to banish the darkness; it is to embrace the darkness. When we flood our homes with bright light and try to push the darkness away, we’re fighting the season. When we use soft lighting and candles strategically, allowing the darkness to puddle in corners and under tables, creating pockets of warmth and sanctuary in our homes, the darkness is no longer the impediment to feeling good. The darkness is what enables maximally cozy vibes. This transforms the experience of winter’s nights entirely: rather than something to muddle through, they become something to treasure. Rather than something to dread, they are something to savor.

My basic and beautiful candle corner in San Francisco

I was recently speaking to a radio producer for a show in Ireland, where winters are very dark, pontificating on the merits of darkness and the opportunities hidden in the long nights. This woman had a small epiphany during our conversation: she has several children, but only one is still living at home. She decided she’d use these winter nights to spend more time with him, to enjoy his company while he was still in the house, to engage in quiet conversation one on one.

What a beautiful way of finding meaning and opportunity in the season’s darkness.

Armed with an intention to enjoy winter, lighting candles becomes more than an aesthetic. It becomes a chance to celebrate winter’s unique qualities - reflecting an appreciation for the season - and a way of making the long nights special and cozy - reinforcing the idea that winter is full of opportunity.

Light some candles

Your challenge for the next two weeks - which will include the winter solstice, the shortest day of the year in the Northern Hemisphere - is to light some candles. Turn off the Big Lights in your home, and let the candlelight really shine. (Jewish readers will find this easy: Happy Hanukkah, all - try turning the lights off when you light the menorah.) Remember that evenings by candlelight are a gift of winter’s darkness, and allow yourself to pause for a moment as you light them. This is a basic practice - hygge 101 - but see how it feels with a little more intention behind it.

I want to hear what you do and how it goes. Share how candlelight impacts your evenings in the comments below. You can also always reach me directly at kari@karileibowitz.com.

Stay cozy,

Kari

Notes from the Slush Pile:

• The Instagram algorithm really has my number. “Who is ready for a winter of squirrel content?” Me, yes, definitely me.

• It’s the season for rest, and a new study finds that penguins take thousands of tiny naps a day. Delightful!!

• Even if you don’t live somewhere that gets super snowy, dropping temperatures can mean beautiful frost. Whitney Barkman’s substack post is full of absolutely stunning winter wonder, and is a reminder that a foray out on a cold winter’s day can yield unexpected delights.